i don't love money

i hate hollywood

by now, i've all but decided to go into business for myself and stop chasing the dream of working at a production company or studio.

i always thought that i would cut my teeth working as a production assistant on some sweet television show and work my way up the lines to director, more famous director, and eventually a towering movie mogul.

i don't any more and two things have changed my perspective.

first of all, i realized that hollywood is full of more red tape, backstabbing, drama, and hurt feelings than i ever thought. actually, scratch that. the ENTIRE entertainment industry is that way - after interning at two record labels, a production company, and on the set of several productions, my eyes have been opened to how senseless and petty the industry can be. I just now realized that I don't want to work for people like that. I actually see working my way up through the industry the traditional way as more of an inefficient way of doing things. Not to say that it can't be done. I have several film major friends who are meeting with great success in the "real world." I personally, however, have not had many doors opened through the internships and jobs I have held professionally thus far. Maybe i'm just not meeting the right people. The people i have met tend to love themselves a little too much.

that sort of brings me to my second reason for taking this slightly more independent path.

i realized that i can't go through life living the traditional "american" dream of getting a good job, getting a better job, buying a house, buying an apartment, buying a boat, etc. i have felt a burden on myself to use my talent for more than just making money and making a name for myself - i really would like to be able to create change in the world - especially change surrounding the terrible instances of injustice and hurt that are obvious in both america and the rest of the world. traditional hollywood lifestyle disgusts me right now. maybe i have been watching a little too much vh1 and the countless shows chronicling the extravagant lifestyle of hollywood celebrities. who spends $35 million for a house that you won't even live in half the time? people in africa are getting by on barely a dollar a day. i just can't live with it. i can't.

so, i've found that the only way to live the only way i can see myself living right now is to go it on my own. grow my non profit, rock for justice. grow my own production company in hopes of one day being able to have the entire say in what i release. i don't think i need to go the traditional hollywood route to do these things - my film education may not have afforded me many professional connections, but it has given me the knowledge and skill to make good decisions within the entertainment industry.

i'm convinced it will work out, some day. right now, i'm content to freelance some graphic design and work part time shifts at urban outfitters. the stuff i do that doesn't pay me right now (rock for justice, music videos, production company) will pay off down the line.

whatever, hollywood.

keep your money.